Now What?
Start with ‘Why?’
One of the reasons I started this blog was so I could write about the fun stuff. The things I’m most passionate about: my Faith, Family, Work, Fitness/Health, and Hobbies. I enjoy thinking, writing, and even talking about these topics. I enjoy sharing what I’ve learned (so far) and seeing if others have had similar or different experiences.
The main reason I started this blog, or Primary Objective’ is to share experiences that might be helpful to others. I want to use everything I’ve been given, including these experiences, to help others and glorify God in the process.
How this applies to Veteran Issues?
I look at everything I’ve been through as a gift. Whether it’s ‘good’ or ‘bad’, there is something I can learn from it. That lesson will help me later and it might even help others.
The HARDEST thing I’ve been through, and the SCARIEST thing I’ve ever had to do was leave the SEAL Teams and go back to being a civilian. I’ve written about this before, but wanted to expand on it further.
I know now that often, the WORST things we go through or the HARDEST challenges we face can later become our BEST way to HELP others if we are willing to share what we learned. Put another way: we go through trials so we can help others going through similar challenges later.
Or, as it says in 2 Corinthians 1:4: “who comforts us in all our affliction. So that we may be able to comfort those that are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” (link)
Leaving the battlefield and heading home!
Warning: I do NOT have it all figured out!
I want to reiterate a previous point: I do NOT have it all figured out. My experiences are my own. They may or may not be helpful for you. I’m no expert in business and I’m certainly NO EXPERT in mental health. If you are really struggling, get help!
That being said… I’ve been through a few challenges in my 44 years of life so far. There have been plenty of ‘ups’ and plenty of ‘downs.’ It is my hope that sharing what I learned going through my biggest challenge will somehow help even just ONE PERSON struggling with the same thing…
My toughest challenge: Leaving the SEAL Teams!
It was hard to join the Navy and become a Navy SEAL. In many ways, it was even harder to be a Navy SEAL (warrior) while being a husband and father (family man). But the biggest challenges I’ve faced and the SCARIEST thing I’ve ever had to do was LEAVE the MILITARY and the SEAL Teams.
Serving my country was an honor and privilege. Given the option, I’d happily go back in time and do it all over again. It was challenging and dangerous especially the combat deployments. When I was no longer able to deploy, I thought these challenges were behind me. Little did I know, my toughest battle lay ahead…
Being a Navy SEAL
I joined the military in October 1998 with only one goal: becoming a Navy SEAL. After accomplishing that goal and earning my ‘Trident’, my new purpose in life was simple: To become the best Navy SEAL I could possibly be. It was more than a goal. It was my path.
For nearly 12-years, I dedicated myself to perfecting my craft: becoming the best warrior possible. When I wasn’t at war, I was either training for it or thinking about it. Train. Prepare. Deploy. Repeat… I was singularly focused on this pursuit. It consumed me. It was my PURPOSE in life.
Overcoming challenges are a hallmark of the SEAL Teams. It starts early during BUD/S (Basic Underwater Demolition/SEAL) Training, considered by some of the most difficult selection training in the military. Attrition is usually 80%. Ours was closer to 90%. Once you become a SEAL, the challenges do not stop. There is always more training. There are always more obstacles. You come to expect them and get VERY good at dealing with them.
Facing danger is another constant in the SEAL Teams. I did things that would scare most (sane) people. I jumped out of airplanes, often at night wearing body armor and full combat equipment. I patrolled down IED ridden streets, just waiting to be ambushed. I entered buildings full of armed terrorists. Some of these buildings were even rigged to explode…
All that were left… We started with over 180 students!
The scariest moment in my life
As challenging and scary as all of this was, it did not prepare me for my greatest challenge and the scariest thing I ever had to do: Leave the Military and enter civilian life!
After an injury in combat, along with over a decade’s worth wear and tear as a SEAL, combined with a newly discovered medical condition, the Bureau of Navy Medicine declared me: “Unfit for duty!” I would have to leave the military and my beloved SEAL community. I would have to find a new profession, a new way to provide for my family and a new ‘way of life.’
At first, I didn’t think it was a big deal. This would be easy. What could be so difficult about life outside of the military? All I would need to do is find a job that could pay the bills. Then, focus on becoming a better husband, father, and family man. It would be much safer and more ‘comfortable’ than the battlefield. Piece of cake, right? Not so much. Soon, I would realize it was going to be much harder than ANYTHING I had EVER done.
Identify the Problem
You can’t win in combat without knowing your enemy. You can’t win a game without knowing your opponent. You cannot overcome a challenge without knowing… and naming… the problem. So, the first step is to IDENTIFY the problem or problems. For me it was the following:
1). Loss of PURPOSE – This was one of the MOST difficult parts of leaving ‘The TEAMS.’ I went from being singularly focused on becoming the best SEAL and warfighter I could possibly be, to having no idea what to do or how to do it. Life is simpler and better when you have a purpose, or a direction. It’s easier to be ‘on the path’ when you know where you are going. Everything you do supports this purpose. It simplifies things. Without a purpose, you have no direction. Life is more challenging and not as much fun. I had gone from being very purpose driven to being nearly rudderless.
2). Inability to PROVIDE – In the military, I not only knew my purpose, but that purpose also helped provide for our livelihood. I didn’t ever make much, but I made enough to support my family. Many of our friends were also in the military. We all made about the same. Plus, everyone knew what everyone made. Your salary is determined by your rank. So, there was no ‘keeping up with the Joneses.’ When I left the military, I had no idea what to do professionally and no way to support my family. Nothing is scarier. Nothing is more demoralizing to a husband and father. Everyone says they want to hire veterans. This is mostly kip service. It can be very challenging to find a job and get a decent paycheck on the outside.
3). Loss of my TEAM – Let me be clear, I have never been really ‘alone.’ I have had an amazing wife now for nearly 18-years. We have 4-kids ages 10-17. I come from an amazing family and married into an amazing family. I even have amazing friends now outside of the military. So, I am not alone in a literal sense. That said, there are some things that my family and friends who have not served do not and cannot understand. Things can only be shared between brothers-in-arms who have gone into harm’s way on behalf of others. They are shared experiences and a shared (somewhat twisted) sense of humor. War changes you, drastically. You can be that be that ‘changed person’ in the company of other warriors. You must temper it around most others.
4). Loss of IDENTITY – Most challenging of all was the loss of identity. At the time, my identity came from my profession. I was a US Navy SEAL, first, foremost, and always. Everything else was ‘in addition to’ that. I was important. I was special. Now, I was just a guy, just another random dad in line at the grocery story waiting to buy milk and diapers. No one knew who I was, what I had done, what I had risked, or what me and my little family had sacrificed for them. To make matters worse, I couldn’t really talk about it. I still can’t say that much. Much of what I did is classified and to talk too much about it just feels like bragging anyway.
A friend of mine, Rolo Garibotti, who guided me up Mt. Aconcagua while I was in the military, said it best in his recent article for Patagonia:
“I feared losing myself in the void that would follow and I would miss not having clear goals and objectives. It’s not uncommon for those who dedicate themselves to a singular pursuit to equate loss of sport with loss of self.” - Rolo
Rolo with us up on Denali, 2008
This really spoke to me. My singular pursuit was being a warrior. My identity was ‘Navy SEAL.’ Now, it was all gone. I had no identity. I went from being special (or so I thought), to being ‘just a guy.’
Winning the Battle?
Thankfully, that is not where my story ends. I would eventually realize my PURPOSE did not have to be tied to my job. I realized that I was still on a team, an even more important team, my FAMILY. I would find ways to provide for my family. Most important of all, I would realize my true identity was never ‘being a Navy SEAL.’
In previous articles, I’ve written about PURPOSE and IDENTITY. In future articles I will discuss my most important TEAM and maybe even my non-linear career path that has allowed me to PROVIDE for my family.
Summary
It was very hard to become a Navy SEAL. It was often even more challenging just to be a Navy SEAL. While serving my country, I did a LOT of scary things, but nothing was scarier or more challenging for me that leaving the military and leaving my beloved SEAL Teams. The first step to overcoming a challenge, facing a fear, or even just winning a battle is to name it. Identify the challenge. Recognize the fear. Name the enemy. The next step? That’s a topic for a different article.
I hope you enjoyed reading this. I know it doesn’t really apply to most people. Only about 6.4% of the US adult population is made up of veterans. My main hope, my primary OBJECTIVE in writing this is that my struggle with this issue helps others…even just one person.