AdvICE?

Background

Whenever I speak to a business, networking groups, or even sports teams, I usually have some Q&A at the end. I enjoy answering questions more than ‘presenting’ as it gives me a chance to interact with the audience. I really like to learn more about what others are interested in, working on, or even needing help with.

One question I was asked recently stuck with me. The question was asked by the leader of the group who had a lot of younger people on the team. The Question: “What advice would you give to young people, particularly younger workers?”

Great question. Often, the best answers come from the best questions… After a moment or two, I did my best to answer off the top of my head. I mentioned hard work, humility, and persistence. It was the best I could do in the moment. On the flight home, I thought more about it. I realized I could do better. I needed to articulate something more useful. So, I spent some more time writing out a better answer. What follows below is (long) version of what I later sent to him.

First, I do NOT have it all figured out!

As I’ve mentioned in a previous article; I’ve had my share of successes and failures in life. There have been plenty of ‘ups’ and ‘downs’ along the way. The path to where I am now has NOT been linear and where I am now is NOT where I will end up. So… I do NOT have it all figured out. Keep that in mind before reading further. Because of this, I actually hate giving ‘advice.’ I don’t feel qualified to give it. But, if someone can benefit from my mistakes, or from what I have learned, I feel like it’s important now for me to share it. That’s where this all comes from, a place of humility. So here goes…

“My experiences are my own and I do NOT have it all figured out!” - Me (adapted from someone)

There are some things that always work.

I don’t have it all figured out, and I’ve had my share of failures along the way. But there are some things that I have learned, both from my own experiences and the experiences of others, that are ‘immutable’ or unchanging over the test of time. One such example is DISCIPLINE. The person who has more self-control is more likely to succeed than the person who cannot control himself or herself. A great warrior will have control over his emotions, his feelings, his urges, his vices and even his tongue! For many of us, it’s often the other way around.

“It’s not the mountain we conquer. We conquer ourselves.” - Sir Edmund Hillary

When I speak to business or teams, people usually want to hear stories from my time in the SEAL Teams. They want me to apply lessons learned from those events to a business or corporate setting. One thing I like to remind them is that not everything you learn on the battlefield applies in the board room. They are different in MANY WAYS. If I’ve learned ANYTHING in the 12-years since leaving the SEAL Teams, I’ve learned this. It’s not exactly the same. There are, however, plenty of lessons learned that TRANSCEND the BALLFIELD, BATTLEFIELD, and even the BOARDROOM. They always apply. They always work. They are…immutable.

Take Advantage of this environment! 

The FIRST thing I constantly tell my own kids and other young workers is they have a HUGE advantage right now. Research indicates that SO MANY workers (not just young people) don’t want to work, or just don’t want to work hard anymore. They are ‘quiet quitting!’ People show up late or start work late. They are less prepared. Or they are “not in a good place” (whatever that means) when that first Zoom call of the day starts.

This is an over-generalization. There are plenty of people and younger workers out there ‘doing the work.’ There are plenty of people in the workforce who still subscribe to the ‘hustle culture’ mentality. It just seems like they are now the EXCEPTION and not the NORM.

If the above is true, and some studies indicate it is, then it’s EASIER right now to stand out and get ahead. If ‘hustle culture’ or just plain old ‘hard work’ is no longer the standard, than it’s easy to stand out and be EXCEPTIONAL. Make hard work YOUR STANDARD and That take ADVANTAGE of this new work environment!

There are many things we cannot control in life. There are things we can control. We can control our ATTITUDE and our EFFORT. If you have the right ATTITUDE and put in the EFFORT, you dramatically increase your odds of success. But what does success look like?

Run your own race!

Before I talk about how to be ‘successful’, I should probably first define success. What is success? What does success look like? How do I know when/if I’m successful? If we don’t have a specific GOAL or OBJECTIVE in mind, we won’t know how to get there. What are you trying to optimize for?

“If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.” – Lewis Carroll

The answer (in my humble opinion) is simple: Success is up to YOU to DEFINE for YOURSELF! Don’t pursue the unfulfilled goals of others. Figure out what YOU want and then PURSUE it with all your heart. If you don’t know what you want, that’s fine too. Very few young people do. Just AIM at something and start chasing after it. Your GOALS or definition of success WILL change along the way. Action clarifies things. As you keep moving (action), your perspective changes. Sometimes, this leads to a new goal or AIMING POINT.

Don’t pursue a goal or objective that OTHERS have deemed to be important. You do not have to get into ‘that college’, land ‘that job’, move to ‘that neighborhood, or drive ‘that car’ to be a success. Imagine how you will feel if you work your life away to achieve all of ‘that’ but ‘that’ wasn’t really what you wanted. You will not be fulfilled, and you’ll have wasted precious time and energy getting there.

One of the greatest obstacles to our ‘success or ‘fulfillment’ is that we all care too much about what others think. Too much of what we do is to impress others. Too often we compare ourselves to others. Comparison robs you of your own joy. It makes you either feel PRIDE or ENVY. Both are wrong. So, define success for yourself and just ‘run your own race!’

“Run your own race!” – one of my mottos.

Chose the RIGHT goal.

We all need a goal, or something we are aiming to achieve. But we must be careful what we choose for a goal… we might just achieve it. How do you know if you have the right goal? How do you know if you are pursuing a worthy OBJECTIVE? Think about it this way; what happens to the dog who caught the car? It’s pointless and likely destructive. The same can be true for people if we chase the wrong things.

Full books have been written about this topic. So, I’ll try to summarize. For me, I want to make sure I’m pursuing something that’s HONORABLE and EXCITING. Find something that helps you fulfill your purpose AND that you like doing. How do we know our purpose? Check out my previous article on how I found mine.

Remember this; no matter what you are aiming at, no matter what your goal is, and no matter what you are pursuing… IT WILL BE HARD. Anything worthwhile will have its challenges. Often, the more worthy the challenge, the harder the struggle. You will FALL along the way. You will STRUGGLE. So, you may as well do so in PURSUIT of something worthwhile. When times get tough, it’s easier to get back up when we BELIEVE in what we are doing!  

“This is the joy in life; the being used up for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clot of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.”

 – George Bernard Shaw

Earning my Trident and FINALLY becoming a Navy SEAL

Expect Problems.

Don’t expect things to be easy, and don’t expect life to be easy. Don’t expect everything to work out perfectly, move in a linear manner, or just go according to plan. Those who do will be sorely disappointed. Expect problems. Expect challenges in everything and at every step of the way. Embrace them and realize it is the overcoming of challenges that will make you more capable and more confident.

Realize that challenges are coming. Expect them, but don’t be AFRAID of them. As a Christian, I ask God for the WISDOM and STRENGTH to deal with the problems I’m facing because I know I will face them. Problems represent OPPORTUNITIES not only to grow but to improve. Be grateful when you have an OBSTACLE to climb or a PROBLEM to solve as it helps you become better and STRONGER.

This reminds me of a story… It takes place in Afghanistan in 2007. I won’t get into the details too much in this article, but I had just briefed my mission plan to a senior officer from another unit and another branch of our military. After explaining how we expected to accomplish our mission (which was a difficult one I might add), he said, “That sounds great. But if everything doesn’t go as planned?” My simple answer was, “I don’t expect it to.” He looked at me wide-eyed. He didn’t realize this was one of the hallmarks of Special Operations. We know the mission. We know the first couple of steps. We also expect PROBLEMS and we know we’ll be able to SOLVE them.

Heading to the top of El Cap!

Summary

Obviously, this is not everything. This list is by no means complete. I could easily write 5,000+ words on this topic. Instead of one long article, I think I’ll just do a series of shorter articles. They’re just easier to read and retain if you ask me.

For now, just remember: 1). There are some things that ALWAYS work. Find out what they are. Do them. 2). Take advantage of this environment. If standards are low, raise them. 3). Define success for yourself. Don’t pursue the unfulfilled dreams of others. 4). Choose the right goal. It’ll be hard regardless. So make it worthwhile. 5). Expect challenges and obstacles. Everything worth doing is hard.

Next: Traits

Explained above are various MINDSETS or ATTITUDES I believe are worth adopting. There are more, but this is a good start. In Part 2 of this series, I’ll write about traits and explain the differences between traits and skills. Thanks for reading!